Involuntary week off and "control"

So soon I ask. Yes. All I can say is that there were mitigating circumstances but that can be construed as an excuse (by reader and writer alike). So I'll just move on as I am here now, and as the sole reader/writer, the only one I have impacted to date is me. I hope that may change in the future! 

So last week was a little bout of madness in terms of the variety of things going on which I don't expect to change soon so I am planning to learn to work round it plus manage my time better. 

And of course, last week I had all these weird and wonderful things spinning through my mind that I should have jotted down as now there is nothing there. Its all been reabsorbed. 

To see if I can spark some life into me and the idea stream I'll fill in the blanks. 

Since I was last here...

My Mum has been moved to an assisted living facility from hospital. My siblings are pulling in different directions in terms of the right thing to do for her while not consulting her or including me. 

I tried to get a flight sorted out to be there at the critical time but failed so I am now going in 10 days or so. 

I am arguing with my wife constantly about the items above and an array of other things. 

My car went on the fritz with smoke emanating from the front wheel arches - never a good sign I am told. 

All somewhat mundane but monumental with the way the timing and "conversations" worked out so I found it all kept me very occupied one way or another. 

The learning/relearning for me has to be I have little or no control and need to surrender to the inevitable when I recognise it. Easy to say but not necessarily to do. All I can say is that sometimes giving yourself to the beast is the only way to survive. You hope that instead of it snapping you in two you'll get a little light mauling or even have mercy shown and just be carried to another part of life's rich tapestry. 

The key may be the recognising it. Plus (topic for another day), how do you stop people changing that perspective by constant questions, asking for direction, questioning the choices you make, etc...how is that balanced within it all?

The bottomline for today may be to just remember, when family is involved, you have no control! 

Good Friday and a fast week

First of all Happy Easter, on this Good Friday, for those of you who mark such occasions. I even looked up why it is listed as a Good Friday" considering that I doubt Jesus would really have marked it that way in his diary. For those interested, here it is (Lily's answer being the most detailed/succinct that I have found). 

It's been a long week...I think that is an oxymoron but I am sure you know what I mean. I have not been here as much as I would like or barely at all but my heart was here even if I was physically not. 

My week has been spent ramping up my current project which is mid way between forming and storming meaning that all sorts of crazy has broken loose.  On top of that my boss is on holiday so I am standing in for her. What an opportunity I hear you cry. Yes, just the type I love (I respond dully). All BS and no real productivity - the position is neither a doer or a shaker and so you end up being nothing to all people...a case of keeping none of the people happy all of the time. I really thought my own role's meetings and tasks were getting less and less productive but if you move another level up you can become a real leader. Make of that what you will but apparently the minimal desire I had to climb the greasy pole, improve myself and show I could do the job, has gone because there is no job to do! 

Enough of that though. 

In other news, I did manage to get my taxes finalised this week though my bank balance did not thank me for that as apparently I owed a fistful of dollars. So here I sit a mild feeling of relief and a not so mild feeling of lightness in the pocket. 

I think the worst part of the week passing so quickly is, yet again, the amount of things I keep seeing that I'd like to get to, whether a book or article to read or a new website to explore let alone real activities. 

And having just started to really explore blogging I find that there are so many blogs out there on so many things. You could read all day on a variety of stuff and be fascinated by it all...though I have yet to find someone who will pay me to do that (any offers gratefully received). 

On a more physcial note (whoa there people) I did manage to play racquetball this week which was a revelation on many levels. After months of inactivity a leviathan effort brought three of us together to galumph round the court of which the foundations are no doubt still shaking! And though sore the next day, I was not immobile which in itself is quite astonishing. There is hope for me yet, though a long row to hoe before I could look myself in the eye and say I am remotely healthy or fit. More on that another day. 

OK, signing off for now as I need to get back to forming and storming for a while. Have a great weekend. 

TIOT

Tax Season and Beigeness

I am sure there are better people than me to comment on the complexity of the tax code but I would like to add that even with Turbotax's help it is a long arduous process to go through all the Qs & As associated with the various papers plus then make it work cleanly with no errors and the research that involves. So it is such a good feeling when you make it through and everything seems to be finished. I say seems as it is never that simple and if you keep looking something can always be changed or tuned. So finishing, as much as you can, is a moment to celebrate and savour...before the reality of any necessary payment slaps you upside the reality.   

Navigating the tax code, even with the aid of heavy duty software, feels like a small win in a world where daily successes are pretty small. 

I am not sure what that says, either about me or my world, that daily wins are pretty few and far between. That is something I'd like to change too. Life always feels a little better for an achievement or two even if they are small. Gives you a little pride in yourself and that feeling is few and far between in my line of work. Talking of which I should clarify. I am a cube dweller lurking close to my computer and my phone, listening/participating in endless meetings that decide little and suck the life out of you. Perhaps too cynical but that's what living in a cube does to you...see Dilbert for reference. Dilbert's popularity tells you how ridiculous cube life is and how close to the mark too.  

Moving back to reflecting on small achievements with some glee it pops in to my head that I am beige as Billy Connolly would say - average in life by pretty much every measure. Nothing wrong with that but sometimes doesn't everyone crave a little colour. So I am feeling like one of the beige people but wishing for a change. I am worried I may not be able to, I may be too beige for self, or any other type of, rescue or maybe it's nature not nurture and I am inherently beige. Another element for further discovery I suppose. For now I will aim for beigeness with intermissions of vibrant colour...whatever that may mean! 

Not sure how I got to that conclusion but it will suffice for now as time is short and tasks are long. To all a good night as tomorrow will be another day whether I be here or not. 

TIOT

More about me and focus?

Continuing a theme, I have got to an age where I have realised there is much to do and perhaps not a lot of time to do it. I do not mean this in a day to day context but in a "Holey smokes what have I done with the last 20 years of my life when there is so much of the world to see, explore, experience..." etc. 

So here am I thinking strange thoughts at all hours of the day: 

- I want to learn to play the piano (having never tried anything musical)

- I want to lose 50 pounds

- I want to do more exercise and play more sport

- I want to take more advantage of the area in which I live and the weather it presents

- I want to travel more and explore new places plus revisit places I have seen and loved

- I want to read more (I buy a lot of books but they tend to sit on the shelf for a long time before I get to them)

- I want to learn more about photography having got the bug a couple of years ago

- I...

You get the picture, as that is off the top of my head. I feel like I am stood looking at this ever widening circle of choices and making no progress on any of them. I am indecisive in the sense there is too much choice. And logically I know I need to just choose something and run with it till I decide to change and/or I need to schedule my time better...and this is a slightly different flavour of yesterdays topic. 

So focus, focus, focus has to be the mantra if I am truly to make and progress, progress, progress against any of these desires. 

Any suggestions that can help me, tools, help aids, etc. are welcome as I want to try as much as possible in life with the time I have available - however long that may be... 

 

TIOT

Too little time or bad time management!

So yes I meant to be back in here before now but things come up and suddenly I realise that is a couple of days since I was here which is not what I plan to do at all. 

This blogging exercise is to encourage me to write, to write often and to put down whatever thoughts I may have with minimal self editing. I have a tendency to over think things which has forestalled my trying anything like this previously. Therefore, to stop this I am meant to be diving in and creating some good habits of checking here daily. This will either prompt me to write, to note some ideas or at the very least show me I have nothing to say for the day.

So now I find myself a couple of days down the road and wondering am I too busy or just a bad time manager or even don't want to do it enough. I suspect the real answer is a little of all of those which means I have several adjustments to make if I really want to change. 

My wife thinks I have ADD or ADHD or basically an inability to focus on one thing and get it done without my mind and body straying to the next thing in my mental hopper. An example of my mind straying is the detour it just took around the phrase "mental hopper" and it conjuring up strange images of me. The additional note to that is that my brain likes to play with words and alternate meanings whether mishearing or reading them. Endless amusement though not everyone appreciates it. And as you can see these detours swiftly lead you off topic! 

I do have a lot going on between work and home but that is not a good excuse if I really want to change and learn. Especially when you look at how many hours are in a day and what you end up doing with them.  For anyone interested, do that exercise and if you are like me you realise you end up wasting a lot of time, some of it necessary with the travelling too/from work and eating and sleeping but other time that just gets lost in the shuffle unless you really focus on what you want to get done. 

So if all three issues are to be addressed I need to make time daily to pop in here and think/write plus use my time better across the spectrum of what I do and if all that doesn't happen maybe that tells me my desire is not there. This is something of a scary thought, that by inaction and procrastination I will end up nowhere except where I am now. 

And that my friend (talking to myself here as I doubt anyone is reading this stream of strange consciousness) is a piece for another day - procrastination (which I am indulging in now from a work perspective) and day to day happiness. 

TIOT