5.40am

...woke up, got out of bed, dragged a comb across my head (with apols to The Beatles).

Yep, the last few weeks my habit of a lifetime of being a late riser seems to have changed and, shockingly, I am really enjoying it.

In an existence that is constant 'noise' and hurly burly it's really incredible to see streets with no traffic, a handful of people and get a moment to think rather than react. It's almost like meditating and I feel more at one with life and the world than the rest of the day.

That's getting mighty philosophcal for a boy from a small village in the middle of the midlands with no aspirations or direction (and that's a whole other issue for another time).

Right now as I type this I can feel my pulse in my body (the left foot oddly) which is rather surreal. I am either suffering a high blood pressure moment (more than possible) or just more attuned to things than I have been before.

I hate to say my change of diet is the cause of much of this change in my life but I suspect it is the catalyst. I get up earlier to ensure I eat early to get my body up and running. I sleep better at nights. I walk the two miles home from work - just enough to get work out of my system. And I eat less processed food and think my body is running a little smoother for it (as judged by the items above and my DGW day - see below).

Today is Saturday, my diet 'off' day or DGW day (Diet Gone Wild - terminology courtesy of Tim Ferriss' The Four Hour Body...UK readers google Girls Gone Wild though not if of a sensitive disposition). So today I have already had oatmeal for breakfast, a flat white coffee (might explain me noticing my pulse) and some chocolate (none of which make the dietary 'allowed' list). And it should be noted that by the end of DGW day, as much as I have craved some item of food, I usually feel a little sickly and out of sorts by end of day. Maybe due to over doing it or perhaps the 'fast carbs' but as much as it may be that I think it's also a reaction to so much processed stuff after a less processed week.

Whatever the diet is doing re my weight it is changing other aspects of my life which can only be good. For the first time in a long time I feel like anything is possible and its just a matter of time before I make things happen (no clue what 'things' are though) for myself. This may be false logic but any positive feel has to be good in a life that feels very grey from day to day where it is a push to get from sleep to work to home to sleep. That pattern too will change for a more postive one.

Crazy to attribute all this to diet perhaps but my total loss of 16 pounds (7 weeks in) feels such a huge jump in the right direction even though it is a small amount of the total I need to move. My rate of change has dropped drastically and this last week has been a slog as with no ongoing movement it is tougher to stay focussed. However, having come this far I can not slip back especially with the other aspects of life that seem to be being pulled along in the wake of the weight loss.

So this week I have yoyoed on the diet ending the week where I started after an up blip. Not great for motivation but serving to re-focus my mind and feel for what I need out of this.

Along with the yoyo something else I realised this week is that this goal is finally a need as opposed to a want. Maybe that is why I have been able to stay on track much as my mind has said, what harm is a milky coffee, an oatmeal for breakfast, a potato with my lunch. But for me there are no half way houses with food, my milky coffee would be a slippery slope and I have to remember that. The recognition of this being a need not a want has helped me a lot. I need to lose weight, as I need to feel better about myself, need to feel healthier, need to see if this weans me off medication, need to put less stress on my knee joints, etc. There are a hundred more of these things that I have wanted to realise the benefit of but now, I need it.

So my goal is still to lose 20 pounds and then see where life takes me, as the journey so far is matching the need to reach the destination. And perhaps more than anything it is sinking in that the journey means more than the destination...with the life as much as the diet.

Till the next time that the journey meets my journal
TIOT